Authentic Life
How Can You Live an Authentic Life?
Do you live an authentic life? I guess your first question might be “what does living authentically mean?”. People use this term a lot these days. Live an authentic life. Be authentic. Well, here’s the thing. Living authentic doesn’t mean being full of sunshine and happiness all of the time, in a life full of rainbows and butterflies. Living authentically means coming from a place within, a place of truth, where your actions and words are congruent with your beliefs and values. It is truly being yourself, not an imitation of what we think we ‘should be’ or have been told we ‘should be’.
Let’s face it, there are plenty of people around who like to tell us how we should be and how we should live our lives, especially when social media bombards us with constant ‘advice’. How to look, how to behave, how to believe. There is literally no part of our lives that isn’t put under pressure by some aspect of society. However, the good news is that you can overcome this by getting in touch with your authentic and core self.
Living authentic means that you own your reality, face your fears, and live life with a sense of wholeness and balance. To really know yourself and knowing what you believe in. Throughout our childhoods, we pick up messages that form our belief system. If we fail to challenge these at the time, we can walk around thinking that our beliefs are our own. To find your authentic self is sorting through these beliefs to find out what we truly own as our true identity. And to ask ourselves whether they are beliefs that come from a mature, healthy and grounded place within us. Or are they remnants from our childhood, coming from an insecure place?
As children, we are sponges. We take on the beliefs and values of those we look up to, depend on, love, or sadly even fear. Some fears may serve us well, however, some may do the exact opposite. If being authentic means being our true self, how many of us have really taken the time to know ourselves on this deep level? For some, this can be a scary journey, and they may avoid this at all cost, living lives full of distractions to avoid facing their fears.
Sometimes it can be really difficult to discern if you are living authentically or not. Even those who feel connected to their true self can lose touch with their authentic self at times. And being authentic is more than being real, it is finding what is real. What is real for me will be quite different than what is real for you. There is no value attached and no right or wrong, it is simply what it is for each of us. If your beliefs about what’s good or bad, right or wrong, sexual orientation, education, success, money, career, spiritual beliefs or chosen path are different to mine, that is okay. When we are both living from our authentic selves, our differences do not frighten or challenge us. There are no judgements. I honour the authentic you and you honour the authentic me.
Living authentically is not stagnant; you don’t arrive and stay there, it is constantly shifting and taking on new forms as we are challenged in life and continue to grow. If we truly believe in living an authentic life, then we must continually be learning about ourselves, we are never done. We keep challenging our old beliefs and we keep sorting through the baggage we pick up in life. It is about learning to face fears and doubts that come up, and to reach deeply within ourselves to find out what makes our heart sing and our spirit soar. It is finding where our authentic self feels the most alive, free and unburdened, and then taking brave steps and having the courage to live from this place.
Living authentically requires us to be brave enough to be vulnerable. To let ourselves be fully seen by the world for who we truly are and exposing our true thoughts and feelings. It’s a practice that is cultivated with effort and consistency, just like anything else.
Living an authentic life is an important step in achieving happiness and fulfilment, but not everyone succeeds in finding their way. In order to be authentic, we sometimes have to break with the images of who we were or what we wanted. But it’s all so that we can find the greater joy and meaning that will fill our life with the sense of hope we’re searching for. If you want to be happier, the odds are you need to start being true to yourself but that’s something only you can determine.
Are you living an unauthentic life?
Our modern world is chaotic, filled with demands, trouble, heartache and hardship. It can be hard to keep yourself grounded, centred and happy. These are the things that happen if you don’t live an authentic life:
Do you feel the need to justify everything?
Have you said something like, “I decided not to go to the gym today because I wanted to catch up with friends, but it’s fine as I worked hard in my last gym session”. If you find yourself saying things like this, you’re not being real with yourself. We make choices every day, some choices are wiser than others. It’s not about being 100% on top all of the time, that’s just unrealistic. But we need to OWN our decisions and get over the fear of admitting what we truly want.
When we start barrelling down the road of excuses and justifications, ask yourself why you are dancing around with the truth? Reframe it to take ownership and power in your choices, so say, “I want to spend time with my friends and that means more to me right now than a gym session.” Just be truthful with yourself because this makes life far less complicated.
Do you gloss over bad emotions?
Our emotions are there to serve a purpose. When we feel negative emotions – the most common ones are guilt or regret – it typically means we are acting out of line with how we truly feel and who we are. When emotions like anger rise up, it can typically mean that something needs to change.
When we gloss over these uncomfortable emotions or hide from them, we are essentially ignoring our authentic selves. Because what you’re really feeling is a part of you and your reality. This is a gift or opportunity for some learning, so don’t ignore it, get to know that part of you and ask why you are feeling those emotions. This is where your personal growth lies.
Are you neglecting yourself and putting yourself last?
You may have heard people refer to non-negotiables. Well, I have my everyday non-negotiables. They are the things that keep me balanced, grounded and aligned. They help me to function at my very best, be the best version of me and live my best life yet.
The minute I start to give up those non-negotiables for others around me and for multiple ‘one-off occurrences’, then I know I’m neglecting myself. Missing my workout because someone needed my help? That’s fine. My continuation of letting that be the first thing to go out of the window anytime they need me, or there’s a call, or emails, or this, or that… you get the gist. That is not okay! Self-care is us being our fullest selves.
How to be more authentic every day
Once you have made the decision to live in line with your core truths, you can live a more authentic life. By following these Golden Nuggets, you can have what you want every day:
Golden Nuggets
1. Cultivate self-awareness
The first step in becoming authentic requires you to be real about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. You have to be really honest about who you are and what you want from life. Then you have to start building up the awareness by tapping into your inner confidence. This means spending time with yourself, digging deep into the depths of who you are, and practicing this on a regular basis.
Only when we know ourselves intimately do we get to know ourselves, and start recognising the things that bring us happiness and the things that don’t. Then we can start forming the boundaries that will constitute the outer measures of our joy. Get real about what you actually want and don’t want in your environment. Be really honest about your emotions, and be honest about what it will take for you to feel as though you are thriving.
Top Tip
A mindful journaling practice is a great place to start when it comes to getting in touch with our inner desires and emotions. Find a quiet space where you’ll not be interrupted, and spend a few minutes each day asking yourself the important questions like, “What do you want to have accomplished by the end of it all?” and “What really matters to you?”. Write your answers honestly, as they come, and don’t shy away from the truth they show you.
2. Drop the perfectionism
We tend to think of failure as a universal concept; the truth is that failure looks different to everyone. For some, failure looks like not being hired in that high paying job, whereas to others it looks like not being able to find the perfect man or woman, or have the picture-perfect family. Let’s face it, failure can be scary no matter how you look at it. A solution to overcoming those nightmares of not being good enough is to reshape your perception of failure and perfection to one that better fits the reality of who you are at the core.
Top Tip
Stop beating yourself up and take a step back to consider all the things you have managed to accomplish in your life. Leave the negative things on the side and accept that we all make mistakes. Focus on the things you did well in your life, and clarify the decisions, skills and outlooks that allowed you to get in that headspace of achievement or success.
3. Start being present
When focusing on being present, some assume it means focusing usually on ourselves and others. But it’s much more than that. Being in the moment is a powerful state of being which can help us unlock our true potential and create more loving, compassionate and fulfilling environments and experiences for ourselves. Let yourself be perfect, give yourself permission to be perfect just as you are, and be aware of both where you’re at and how you’re feeling in the moment.
Learning how to present actually unlocks powerful avenues of emotional intelligence, which allows us to better deal with the toxic stress that permeates our lives. Cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure and major clinical depression are just a few of the side-effects of living a life that’s stressed out to the max, focused on everything but the here and now. Learning how to be more mindful can transform our perceptions and our health.
Top Tip
Take at least 10–15 minutes to just be in your body, wherever you’re at, feeling whatever way you’re feeling. Set a timer and, at the end of the process, take another 5 minutes or so to report on how blocking out the past and the future feels, even if only for a few moments. Whenever you’re struggling to be present in the moment, or deal with some new obstacle, refer back to the journal. Does your mood improve when you spend some time just feeling the moment and in your own skin? Let things be as they are and learn to let go of your frantic attachment to the elements of your past or your future.
So, let’s summarise those Golden Nuggets again:
- Cultivate self-awareness
- Drop the perfectionism
- Start being present
The journey to self-realisation can be a long one but it’s a beautiful one, and one that leads to truly transformative opportunities when we give it a fair chance.
Becoming authentically who we are is an important part of finding happiness and it’s an important part of creating the type of life we want to lead. When we allow ourselves to live freely, and we allow ourselves to chase the things that provide meaning and joy in our lives, we empower ourselves to manifest a meaningful experience now and in the future.
Authentic living is the only way to truly get in touch with who we are, but it’s a process that takes time and it’s a process that takes a lot of introspection.
If you have found this useful, then please share this with anyone you know who would also benefit to help them along their journey in life.
Thank you for joining me and I look forward to seeing you again next week for Pura Vida Your Life Happenings for insight, inspiration and more golden nuggets to help you live a happier and fulfilled life.
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