How To Create a Beautiful Romantic Relationship
Romantic Relationships
All romantic relationships go through ups and downs; they all take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner. But whether your relationship is just starting out or you’ve been together for years, there are steps you can take to build a healthy relationship. Even if you’ve experienced a lot of failed relationships in the past or have struggled to rekindle the fires of romance in your current relationship, a beautiful relationship is possible. Together, you can find ways to stay connected, find fulfilment, and enjoy lasting happiness.
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal of exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.
Questions to ask yourself about your relationship:
- Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?
- Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?
- Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?
- When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?
- Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?
- Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?
- Do you and your partner think more in terms of “we” and “us,” rather than “you” and “I”?
- Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?
- Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?
- Do your close friends, as well as your partner’s, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?
- Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behaviour?
- Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?
- Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?
- Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?
- Are you and your partner sexually compatible?
If you answered ‘Yes’ then great, if you answered ‘No’, then these are areas to work on.
In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a misspoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, or a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship.
The Ancient Greeks had 3 words for love.
- This is erotic love. It means being attracted to each other. It’s the spark that makes your relationship feel exciting and special.
- This means friendship. It’s the feeling of understanding one another, enjoying each other’s company and having shared interests.
- This means being prepared to go out of your way for the other person or put them first. It might be something small like helping them with a task, even though you’re really tired, or something big like caring for them after surgery.
A relationship with all three of the above will thrive. But if any one of them is lacking, you might find things more challenging. That doesn’t mean you can’t get there, but it might be worth thinking about ways you could focus more on what’s missing.
Here are my 3 Golden Nuggets for building and maintaining healthy and successful, romantic relationships:
Golden Nuggets
1. Developing empathy
Sometimes, arguments reach a stalemate because neither partner is willing to listen to what the other is saying. But listening to one another and trying to understand how each other is feeling doesn’t mean changing your own ideas or even necessarily admitting you’re wrong. It just means showing your partner you care about how they’re feeling and that you’re willing to make the effort to meet in the middle, if necessary.
Top Tip
Even if you’ve known your partner a long time, try to step into their shoes and recognise that they may see some things differently to you. Being empathetic means you’re aware of someone’s emotions from their perspective; you feel what they feel. Empathy drives connection where sympathy can disempower. Empathy is ‘I’m so glad you told me that.’ You respect your partner’s adulthood without judgement.
2. Communication is key
It’s an obvious one, but worth repeating: communication is one of the most important skills in any relationship. Being able to clearly and consistently state how you’re feeling will mean those little niggles that might otherwise develop into something worse can be resolved early on.
Top Tip
It’s also worth remembering that communicating doesn’t just mean being able to make your own point well, but learning to listen to what your partner’s saying too. Try to employ ‘active listening’ when you’re talking together. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak, but really listen to what they’re saying. Repeat what they’re saying back to them. And ask them to clarify things – don’t always assume you know what they mean immediately.
3. Conflict isn’t always bad
People often think of arguing as inherently bad, but if there’s no conflict whatsoever in your relationship, there’s a good chance someone’s holding something back. Differences between you and your partner are pretty much inevitable; it’s how you deal with those differences that counts.
Top Tip
Sometimes, it’s a case of trying to argue better. Try to use a ‘soft’ start that focusses on your feelings instead of attacking your partner. For example, ‘I’m so upset you forgot our anniversary’, rather than ‘how could you be so insensitive, you didn’t even get a card!’.
Try to avoid letting things spin out of control: don’t say things you’ll regret later or just trade insults. And be prepared to be forgiving; it’s only when both partners are willing to let go of their desire to ‘win’ the argument that it can actually end.
So, let’s summarise those Golden Nuggets again:
- Developing empathy
- Communication is key
- Conflict isn’t always bad
Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but many people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible partner (or partners). For these individuals, romantic relationships comprise one of the most meaningful aspects of life and are a source of deep fulfilment.
If you have found this useful, then please share this with anyone you know who would also benefit to help them along their journey in life.
Share the Love Challenge
If you want to ignite the power of love within you, why not join our ‘Pura Vida Your Life Share the Love Challenge’, which started on 1 February – it’s not too late for you to catch up and join in. Just go to my Facebook page – or join the private group. There is no pressure, this is just a bit of fun – we may even start a wave of love and you just might get loved up and blissed out in the process!
Thank you for joining me and I look forward to seeing you again next week for Pura Vida Your Life Happenings for insight, inspiration and more golden nuggets to help you live a happier and fulfilled life.
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Until next time – Pura Vida!