The Most Important Relationship You Have Is With Yourself
There are different types of relationships in our lives, and the priority for any relationships to work for us is to start with the one you have with yourself. It all starts with you….
In life, many of us simply don’t allow ourselves to just be with and accept the person we truly are. It took me a long time to accept myself and find beauty in my own reflection, and it’s still something that takes continuous daily work. Because, like many women, I had spent my entire life editing myself for other people, rather than being confident enough to believe that the true me was absolutely enough. I am perfect just as I am, in all of my uniqueness.
What does self-acceptance really mean? Well, it means not trying to change the way we live our lives for other people. It means allowing ourselves to be truly seen for who we are. It means letting go of feeling that we have to be someone that we’re not. Or trying to speak or act in a way that doesn’t feel aligned for us.
Many of us have been conditioned to believe that we have to live by someone else’s rules, or fit into a specific box so we can find the right job or the right partner or whatever it is that we’re searching for in life. In reality, of course, we are all unique and we all need to accept and fully embrace our individuality.
I spent many years doing things that I didn’t believe in or that weren’t aligned with my core values, but it took me a long time to realise that underpinning this was the fact that I didn’t really love myself very much, if at all, and I had stopped being kind to myself, emotionally and physically.
A lack of self-acceptance and self-love turns up the volume and magnitude on our negative thoughts. We start to have internal conversations with ourselves about how we can change to fit in or become stronger or more beautiful. The problem with this is it moves us further away from what we really want, what we believe in, and what we value in life. And that’s when we become stuck, unhappy, unfulfilled and doing things and living life in a way that we don’t want to do.
I invite you to play with the idea of exploring your great qualities and beginning to use self-acceptance as a way to tap into your happiness. Now I don’t mean accepting the things you don’t like about yourself and just being OK with them. We’ve become skilled at doing this, which means we might not be good at accepting compliments or staying open to feeling abundant and receiving.
How can you think in a more positive way about the whole you? I’m sure you could make a very long list of the things you don’t like about yourself, but what about the things you do like?
When you start accepting ALL the different facets of yourself and stop fighting the so-called “negative” qualities you’ve been trying to keep submerged, you allow yourself to be seen for the whole amazing YOU that you are, rather than continuing to edit yourself for the world.
Why should you have to be ashamed of some of the things you want to say or do just because you’re worried about what others will think? Stepping into your true nature and accepting the whole you means stepping into a happier, more powerful, more fulfilled and authentic way of living.
Let’s explore Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves taking responsibility for our behaviour, even when its bad and accepting ourselves as human. This allows us to see things clearly, so we don’t stagnate, and helps us progress towards our goals.
Self-compassion breeds resilience; those who have it suffer less and are better able to reach their full potential. People who are compassionate towards themselves are more able to forgive others, too.
Note these 5 signs that you may need to work on boosting your self-compassion
- Nothing is ever good enough
- Your way is always the right way
- You ruminate repeatedly over your mishaps and blunders
- You see things as black or white, with no grey
- You have an intense fear of failure
Sound familiar?
Are you too self-critical?
Research shows that people who are self-critical are:
- At higher risk of depression and stress
- Less effective at implementing coping strategies
Learning to be happy with who you are doesn’t come overnight. I believe a daily practice is essential to start to shift your mindset and make lasting changes to create and support a positive relationship with yourself.
Here are my 3 Golden Nuggets for maintaining a healthy relationship with who you are:
Golden Nuggets
1. Practice Being Grateful for Your Body
When we come to the end of our lives, will we think about how we should have spent more time in front of the mirror obsessing about our looks or worrying about our weight? The answer is NO, of course, because the important things in life are the times spent with our family and friends, and being healthy, present and mindful enough to enjoy those times.
Top Tip
Take a few minutes in front of the mirror each time you get dressed and begin to practice gratitude for your body. Notice the beautiful things about yourself.
Research shows that people who actively practice gratitude are healthier, less depressed, and more resilient during tough times. If you can’t think of anything at first, stand there each morning until you think of at least one. I promise that eventually the list of things you love and appreciate about yourself will grow from there. Like anything new to us, it takes practice.
2. Be Kind to Yourself
Taking care of your body, treating yourself to a massage, exercising regularly and becoming mindful of what you eat will not only boost your self-confidence, but it’s also the practice of self-care. The more you treat your body with the loving kindness it deserves, the more you will learn to naturally love it over time and the more it will love you back. You may very well find yourself living with more energy and less pain.
Top Tip
Evaluate how kind you are to yourself and if you are taking care of your mind, body and soul. How would you score yourself from 0 to 10? 0 being totally dissatisfied and 10 totally satisfied.
3. Let Go of Your Inner Perfectionist
Perhaps like I was, you are a perfectionist. Maybe you spend a long time getting ready to leave the house and obsess over tiny details, putting pressure on yourself to look a certain way? Exhausting, isn’t it!? Well, I’m here to tell you to stop doing that!
Studies show that perfectionism is strongly linked to depression. Save the time you spend telling yourself you’re not good enough or trying to hide your ‘imperfections’, and instead, learn to accept yourself for who you truly are, even the parts that you deem to be imperfect. Someone who can learn to accept and love themselves will exude confidence and beauty inside and out, and will attract more positive people and experiences.
Top Tip
Notice if this is how you are living your life; awareness is incredible and powerful. It’s the start of you making any improvements to your mindset and behaviours that are impacting on you.
So, let’s summarise those Golden Nuggets again:
- Practice Being Grateful for Your Body
- Be Kind to Yourself
- Let Go of Your Inner Perfectionist
Some food for thought and strategies to get started, so now it’s over to you to change the way you see yourself and love yourself to have a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with yourself.
If you have found this useful, then please share this with anyone you know who would also benefit to help them along their journey in life.
Share the Love Challenge
If you want to ignite the power of love within you, why not join our ‘Pura Vida Your Life Share the Love Challenge’, which started on 1 February – it’s not too late for you to catch up and join in. Just go to my Facebook page – or join the private group. There is no pressure, this is just a bit of fun – we may even start a wave of love and you just might get loved up and blissed out in the process!
Thank you for joining me and I look forward to seeing you again next week for Pura Vida Your Life Happenings for insight, inspiration and more golden nuggets to help you live a happier and fulfilled life.
I invite you to come on a journey of empowerment with me – sign up to Discoveries to start taking steps to improve your life!
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Pura Vida Your Life – it all starts with you 🧡💙💛
Until next time – Pura Vida!